Ready To Move Forward
Hello! We apologize for the hiatus the past few weeks. We have been in self-preservation mode, really taking time to pray hard and see clearly what our next steps are. It feels like a lot has been happening, while at the same time, nothing at all has been moving forward. It's a weird, in limbo, kind of place to be in.
We found out at the beginning of May that our third IUI had failed, and we took some time to absorb that not-so-surprising news. We spent the month of May talking a LOT - to each other, to our trusted people, our parents, and to our daughter, making sure we are moving slowly but surely, and that we are all on the same page. On May 25th we went for our last appointment with Dr. Hudson to go over all of the tests from the past year and a half (and the year and a half of trying and miscarriage before that) and to hear his advice on "what now?" He said everything we expected him too, which is that we have exhausted our options unless we want to move onto IVF (which we still feel strongly that we do not want to do), and that our chances of conceiving "naturally", even with medication, is very slim. It might sound weird to those who have never been in this position, but it was actually really good to hear him say that. We felt that, and assumed that, but we needed to hear him actually say it so that we can truly move on and feel good about the decision. We have been talking about adoption for months, and now we can move onto that option feeling ready, open, and sure.
To be totally frank, we are more excited now than we have been in months. It feels really good to let go of what we were holding onto, and to move fully into this next phase. There is a worship song that has been my favorite lately that says "I believe that you are God alone, but sometimes I still try to take control. Because I get scared when I can't see the end. And all you want from me is too let go." I do get scared because I can't see the end. Yet I know I am being gently told over and over to just let go. For the first time in years, I am finally in a place where I am standing with open hands, letting go, because our God is in control, not me.
We are ready to pursue adoption, and we know that this is what we are being brought into, and we are scared but SO very excited. Jon has been ready for this for a while, but I needed a bit of space. Infertility comes with so many emotions that just cannot be explained easily. It's the craziest roller coaster I have ever been on, and sometimes I just want the ride to stop because I am not sure I can take anymore. I went on a trip to Saskatchewan and Alberta to visit my family and it was exactly what I needed. The roller coaster was on hold, like someone finally hit a pause button for me, and I was able to catch my breath. My family filled me up with their love and their overwhelming and unwavering support and I came back feeling ready to get back on the ride.
We have known for quite some time that adoption is the route we want to go, we have just been waiting to "make sure". But then the question comes up "what are we waiting for?" We KNOW that this is what we want, and we are praying so hard into this and feel led in this direction, which IS SO EXCITING!!! Scripture is very clear on caring for the orphans, and we feel the Lord's hand on us as we move forward. So please, jump on board with us, get excited for us, and start praying over the baby that will be joining our family (hopefully!).
So that leaves us here, with our application all ready and filled out, waiting to be handed in! Once we hand that in, our first installment of payments is due, which is $5000, and will allow us to start our Home Study process. We have spent a lot of time trying to think through different options and figure out what is the best route to have the money on hand when we need it. We have a meeting set up for early next week with our bank to talk about the options of a Line of Credit or a loan. Our hope is that we will be approved for one of the above options, and then have the money when we need it, and then fundraise to help pay off chunks of it. If you have advice, please contact us!!
At this point, we have just around $2000 that we made from our garage sales, as well a few donations that we have received from some of you! Those unexpected and beautiful gifts brought us to tears, and we are so thankful. It is all just sitting there, waiting to be put into an account that we will get set up next week! We are wanting to have another big fundraiser soon, we are just trying to figure out what the best option for that is as well! SO much of our support comes from off the island, and you have expressed your desire to be involved, so we want to make sure we are including you all in whatever we do next. Again, any ideas are welcome! We have a few floating around, but nothing set in stone as of yet! The minute we figure out funds, we will be handing in our application. So ready to move forward with this.
We love you all and are so thankful for your support.
We found out at the beginning of May that our third IUI had failed, and we took some time to absorb that not-so-surprising news. We spent the month of May talking a LOT - to each other, to our trusted people, our parents, and to our daughter, making sure we are moving slowly but surely, and that we are all on the same page. On May 25th we went for our last appointment with Dr. Hudson to go over all of the tests from the past year and a half (and the year and a half of trying and miscarriage before that) and to hear his advice on "what now?" He said everything we expected him too, which is that we have exhausted our options unless we want to move onto IVF (which we still feel strongly that we do not want to do), and that our chances of conceiving "naturally", even with medication, is very slim. It might sound weird to those who have never been in this position, but it was actually really good to hear him say that. We felt that, and assumed that, but we needed to hear him actually say it so that we can truly move on and feel good about the decision. We have been talking about adoption for months, and now we can move onto that option feeling ready, open, and sure.
To be totally frank, we are more excited now than we have been in months. It feels really good to let go of what we were holding onto, and to move fully into this next phase. There is a worship song that has been my favorite lately that says "I believe that you are God alone, but sometimes I still try to take control. Because I get scared when I can't see the end. And all you want from me is too let go." I do get scared because I can't see the end. Yet I know I am being gently told over and over to just let go. For the first time in years, I am finally in a place where I am standing with open hands, letting go, because our God is in control, not me.
We are ready to pursue adoption, and we know that this is what we are being brought into, and we are scared but SO very excited. Jon has been ready for this for a while, but I needed a bit of space. Infertility comes with so many emotions that just cannot be explained easily. It's the craziest roller coaster I have ever been on, and sometimes I just want the ride to stop because I am not sure I can take anymore. I went on a trip to Saskatchewan and Alberta to visit my family and it was exactly what I needed. The roller coaster was on hold, like someone finally hit a pause button for me, and I was able to catch my breath. My family filled me up with their love and their overwhelming and unwavering support and I came back feeling ready to get back on the ride.
We have known for quite some time that adoption is the route we want to go, we have just been waiting to "make sure". But then the question comes up "what are we waiting for?" We KNOW that this is what we want, and we are praying so hard into this and feel led in this direction, which IS SO EXCITING!!! Scripture is very clear on caring for the orphans, and we feel the Lord's hand on us as we move forward. So please, jump on board with us, get excited for us, and start praying over the baby that will be joining our family (hopefully!).
So that leaves us here, with our application all ready and filled out, waiting to be handed in! Once we hand that in, our first installment of payments is due, which is $5000, and will allow us to start our Home Study process. We have spent a lot of time trying to think through different options and figure out what is the best route to have the money on hand when we need it. We have a meeting set up for early next week with our bank to talk about the options of a Line of Credit or a loan. Our hope is that we will be approved for one of the above options, and then have the money when we need it, and then fundraise to help pay off chunks of it. If you have advice, please contact us!!
At this point, we have just around $2000 that we made from our garage sales, as well a few donations that we have received from some of you! Those unexpected and beautiful gifts brought us to tears, and we are so thankful. It is all just sitting there, waiting to be put into an account that we will get set up next week! We are wanting to have another big fundraiser soon, we are just trying to figure out what the best option for that is as well! SO much of our support comes from off the island, and you have expressed your desire to be involved, so we want to make sure we are including you all in whatever we do next. Again, any ideas are welcome! We have a few floating around, but nothing set in stone as of yet! The minute we figure out funds, we will be handing in our application. So ready to move forward with this.
We love you all and are so thankful for your support.
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