IVF or Adoption?

At the moment, we are awaiting the results of our last IUI (remember when I talked about not asking me about that? I will share the results once I get them when I feel ready to do so. I promise!). Typically, three IUI's are where they stop, and start looking at different options. If this IUI has been a fail, we go back to the clinic on May 25th for a sit down meeting with either Dr. Hudson or Dr. Graham, both of whom are excellent! We have been blown away by our care at the Victoria Fertility Center. It is such a relief to have a team of people working with us, invested our journey, and doing whatever possible to help us grow our family. Jon and I have discussed this extensively, and at this point, we feel very strongly that we will not move onto the next fertility treatment step, which would be IVF ( In-Virto Fertilization). Instead, our hearts feel partial to adoption.

Each family is going to chose their own path, and we are big cheerleaders for others and their choices along their journey, and we know that IVF is an excellent option for many. For us, the decision to adopt came before we ever knew we would struggle with infertility. It has been something that I have been talking about for years, starting when I was a teenager. I would think about the babies and kids in the world who needed a home, and my heart would ache. I would often say to my mom "why would I ever have a natural child when I could adopt one who needs a home?" My thought process on this has changed and evolved as I get older, and I did birth a daughter who I adore and could never imagine my life without. She is the best decision we have made in our life together thus far. And if this IUI does work, we will be over the moon and move forward with excitement and pure joy, and our desire to adopt will be put on the back burner for now.

The key words there are "for now". Adoption is not a back-up plan for us. It is a next, natural step. I thankfully have a husband who is very much on the same page, because it is something that we discussed extensively before getting married, and in the years since then. If we are pregnant, yay! But adoption will still be on our radar and is a conversation we will likely come back to at a later date. 

But let's talk about costs. Do you know that if we did decide to go the IVF route, it would cost us $6000 for each round at our clinic, and they tell you to be prepared for it to take possibly three rounds, with no guarantee that it will be successful. That does not include medication costs. That has potential to be right around $20 000. That number seems astronomical. 

Adoption costs are just as staggering. If we do a "public" adoption, and adopt a "waiting child" currently in the foster system in BC, the costs would be minimal. But our chances of getting a baby are incredibly slim. Before we started this journey, I would have said that this was the route for us. However, our circumstances are different now, and our thoughts have changed. Over the past six months, we spent so much time on our knees in prayer, and we both feel that at this point, a private adoption is the route for us.

We've been in initial contact with the adoption agency in Victoria, and one in Vancouver for a private adoption. We are still uncertain of our path, but we are feeling partial to the Victoria agency. We go on May 7th to an information session and we will update you as we go! They have sent us the application package, which we have started to fill out, and part of the package includes the estimated costs. There are many options, including international adoption, but looking at costs and other things, we have at this point decided that a domestic BC adoption is our preference. The estimated cost of a domestic BC adoption is between $20 000-$30 000. This includes the Home Study ($5000), participating in the program, ($7000), placement and post-placement (approx. $10 000, including counselling, support, social worker visits, etc), and lawyer fees. When I think about that number, I get woozy. It seems large, and unattainable. But we trust that if this is the path we are to walk, God will show us the way through. 

So much can change over the coming weeks and months, we know that. As we have walked this path, we have felt every emotion possible. We have been angry, closed off, heartbroken. Through so much prayer, we are at a place now where our hearts are open to what is next. We are walking in full and complete faith, which is a very different place than we were in even just a few short months ago. We know that emotions are fickle, and that they cannot be trusted, because how we feel changes day to day. The key for us is to look at all our options, and pray hard, and listen to our gut/hearts for what comes next.